Life is complicated. Short Answers isn't.
BOOMERANG BLUES
Dear Short Answers:
Our son just moved back home after living on his own for several years in another city. He is an adult now and we try not to make too many rules, but he and his girlfriend were having a very good time this weekend and the sounds were "uncomfortable" for us and kept us awake for two nights. What to do?
-- Dad
Dear Dad:
This is one of the many reasons we do not support the current Boomerang trend. Almost any other solution is preferable -- even a time-limited rent subsidy. Moving back home is regressive behavior and promotes dependency -- and bad manners. Don't discuss details. Tell your son, in the nicest possible way, that he has 30 days to make other living arrangements.
MINDING HIS BUSINESS
Dear Short Answers:
A friend of mine is about to make a fool of himself by pursuing a much younger woman. Should I try to save him?
-- Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed:
It's his party. You have no role in this unless your advice is solicited. Stand at the ready -- either for celebration or comfort.
FREEDOM OF RELIGIONS
Dear Short Answers:
I have become more and more uncomfortable with organized religion as the years go by. I hate being in churches, temples, mosques ... they all creep me out. Can I reasonably refuse to attend the religious
-- The Atheist
Dear Atheist:
The religious ceremonies of friends and family are not about you -- they are about them. Respect for your views demands reciprocity: Go to their events and work at not exuding attitude.
COMING OUT
Dear Short Answers:
I just found out that I'm gay and I need to come out to my mom. She knows something's up but doesn't know that I'm gay at all. I don't know if she is OK with gay people or not, and the girl I like is my best friend, who likes me the same way. I'm scared that my mom might kick me out. What should I do?
-- Sticky place
Dear Sticky Place:
Coming out to your parents can be very tough. But it may be one of the most important things you will ever do. Being honest with the people in your life means being honest with yourself. Your mom may surprise you and be more accepting than you think. But you should also have a plan in place in case she isn't. Our fondest wishes are with you as you take this major step in your life.
NEW RULES
Dear Short Answers:
A good friend's son just got married. It was a small, impromptu family-only event. Am I obligated to send a gift?
-- Uninvited
Dear Un:
You are certainly not obligated to send a gift. However, if you are fond of the groom and/or know him personally, a note to the couple is a nice way of acknowledging this new life stage. If there is a party at a later date, then the hosts will let you know if it is a gifting occasion.
CONSTANT VIGILANCE
Dear Short Answers:
What is the best way to find out what your kid is doing online while still protecting the child's privacy?
-- Parents in Cyberspace
Dear parents:
Teach your children well and check up on them often. With no apologies about privacy, please.
Send your questions anonymously on our website (www.shortanswers.net) or email them to thetranscript@shortanswers.net. Jeff Johnson has worked as a psychologist for New York State, New York City and the federal government as well as teaching at the graduate level. He is a Williams College alumnus and lives in Pownal, Vt. Paula Forman has worked as a professional "trend spotter" with high-profile clients such as Procter & Gamble. More recently, she taught sociology in the New York City university system. She lives and writes in Hudson, N.Y.
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