Thursday August 23, 2012

Life is complicated. Short Answers isn't.

HOME IMPROVEMENT

Dear Short Answers:

For my birthday, my dad's girlfriend gave me a "memory box" that commemorates my deceased mother. I said thank you, but must I hang it on my wall? And is this just a conflict of taste, or did she overstep with this gift?

-- Gifted

Dear Gifted:

If you don't like it, then don't hang it. It doesn't matter why she did -- or you didn't.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Dear Short Answers:

I made the mistake of coming out to my Dad and introducing him to my girlfriend shortly thereafter. Since then, my Dad has seen her as "the lesbian who turned his straight daughter gay." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years now and he is still reluctant to engage her and see her for her, or at least as the woman who makes me happy. It's hard knowing he doesn't approve of my being with a woman, and something tells me that he won't change his mind. Is it worth continuing to push from time to time, or is it possible that this is a generational reality and that I'm better off accepting him the way he is for the time we have left?

-- Stuck with an Old-Fashioned Dad

Dear Stuck:

You may be right that he will never approve of your relationship, but parental approval is not all it's cracked up to be; it's sweet but not nutritious. And it's kid stuff. Respect, however, is another matter. You

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have a right to expect that your dad respects your commitments. Perhaps if you re-frame the conversation around respect for one another, you two can come to some resolution. If he can understand that you want him to be involved in your life but that his "agreement" isn't a requirement, it could be a breakthrough.

TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES

Dear Short Answers:

A friend asked me to give him comments on something he's written -- and that he's put a lot of effort into. I honestly think he should scrap the whole thing and start over. How do I tell him this without destroying our friendship?

-- Honest/Harsh

Dear Harsh:

"Start over" isn't helpful. What's the problem? Is it the idea or the execution? Try to help your friend refine his thoughts, if you think the idea isn't clear -- or if the problem is style -- offer some gentle editing. If you aren't willing to dig into it, then beg off.

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE

Short Answers:

I'm finally feeling successful in current career. But I truly would rather be making music. I have no time to pursue both. Should I quit and "be happy," or work with what's in front of me?

-- Need Help

Dear Help:

Sounds like you have found some satisfaction in your success at your current career. Would you be happy making music even if you are not successful? If the answer is yes -- then your choice is clear. If the answer is no -- then find the time for music as your hobby.

TWICE BLESSED

Dear Short Answers:

How do I choose between two eligible bachelors?

-- Dear Twice:

If neither your heart nor your head is giving you a signal, then maybe they aren't so eligible. Provide more data or "ask your mother."

Send your questions anonymously on our website (www.shortanswers.net) or email them to thetranscript@shortanswers.net. Jeff Johnson has worked as a psychologist for New York State, New York City and the federal government as well as teaching at the graduate level. He is a Williams College alumnus and lives in Pownal, Vt. Paula Forman has worked as a professional "trend spotter" with high-profile clients such as Procter & Gamble. More recently, she taught sociology in the New York City university system. She lives and writes in Hudson, N.Y.