Life is complicated. Short Answers isn’t.
HAVEN’T YOU SEEN THIS MOVIE?
Dear Short Answers:
I’m a 22-year-old single guy with a 21-year-old female roommate. Two weeks ago, I bought a case of beer (the one that has 18 bottles), and over the weekend, we had like 4 bottles or so. On Monday, I got back home around 5 p.m. and she was drinking, so that was the first shock to me. I left home and I came back around 9 p.m., and she had finished the whole case! I didn’t find any of the bottles, and she told me she already recycled them. Yesterday, I was vacuuming the apartment and was shocked when I found the 18 bottles in her room! So what is that? I mean, why would she save them in her room for that long and say she recycled them? Why would she lie?
-- Shocked
Dear Shocked:
Although we hesitate to jump to conclusions, it sounds like your friend is an alcoholic. If we are right, you will see this kind of behavior again -- and soon. Stay tuned. What to do about it is another question.
IF YOU’RE GONNA BE
TWO-FACED, MAKE ONE OF THEM PRETTY
Dear Short Answers:
Why are people two-faced?
-- Puzzled
Dear P:
Sometimes it is to spare themselves the consequences of honesty and sometimes it is to spare others -- but it is nearly always a technique for avoiding confrontation.
-- Marilyn Monroe
DOUBLE
Dear Short Answers:
I married someone with a dysfunctional teen who is now 20 years old, living at home and doing nothing. Because the biological mom is mentally ill and my husband travels, I have been the only one available to deal with her problems.
Last year, she was arrested and spent a few nights in police lock-up. I thought it would shake her up, but it didn’t. She said that jail was not that bad -- in fact, not as bad as getting a job. She could just hang and watch TV.
When the DA released her, I had to wait 6 hours in 117 degrees. I started to feel ill. The next day, I woke up in extreme pain. It seems that the sun triggered lupus. I will likely be sick off and on for the rest of my life. There is no cure and the medical profession does nothing unless the disorder starts to destroy your heart, liver, brain, etc.
Intellectually, I know this was an unfortunate result for which no one is at fault. But I simply can’t come to terms with my illness and the circumstances in which it arose. I am repulsed by her attitude and don’t have the energy to interact with her. In her reality, no one has ever helped her and she is always the victim. I have always felt empathy for her -- she clearly has severe psychological problems. However, I cannot ignore my feelings about the manner that she treats me and the impact she has had on my life. Should I discuss my illness with her and if so, how?
-- Sick Step Mom
Dear SSM:
The person you need to discuss your illness and your step-daughter with is your husband. You can no longer shoulder the burden of this "child" alone. Tell him that you are willing to support him in his decisions, but he needs to step up right now. His travel schedule is an unacceptable excuse for not addressing two pressing family issues -- his daughter and your health.
IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES
Dear Short Answers:
Why can’t bicyclists, runners and pedestrians all get along?
-- Getting Bumped
Dear Bumped:
It’s like Democrats and Republicans .... they have competing agendas.
Send your questions anonymously on our website (www.shortanswers.net) or email them to thetranscript@shortanswers.net. Jeff Johnson has worked as a psychologist for New York State, New York City and the federal government as well as teaching at the graduate level. He is a Williams College alumnus and lives in Pownal, Vt. Paula Forman has worked as a professional "trend spotter" with high-profile clients such as Procter & Gamble. More recently, she taught sociology in the New York City university system. She lives and writes in Hudson, N.Y.
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