Life is complicated. Short Answers isn’t.
IF YOU’RE NOT PART OF THE SOLUTION
Dear Short Answers:
My neighbor has two small children (around 10 or 12 years old, I think). When they come home from school every day, they have to wait outside in the front yard until their mother comes home to unlock the front door. Now that it’s getting colder, I am worried about them. Should I talk to the mother? Should I let them stay in my house until their mom comes home? Should I stay out of it? I don’t want my neighbor to think I am spying on her or her kids. Any advice would be helpful.
-- Lady Next Door
Dear Lady:
If you would enjoy after school milk and cookies and chatting up the kids, make the offer to the mom. If you are not willing to help, then stay out of it.
MAKE A DEAL
Dear Short Answers:
I just found out that a friend of mine who claims to be 51 is actually 61! She looks amazing. I am dying to tell the other girls. Would I be the worst friend in the world if I did that? This is too good to keep to myself!
-- 55
Dear 55:
If we were you, we would ask her how she does it ... and take a vow of silence.
IF MOMMA AIN’T HAPPY, AIN’T NOBODY HAPPY
Dear Short Answers:
It’s only Halloween and I’m already dreading Thanksgiving. Too much work, not enough fun.
-- Slow
Dear Burn:
We hear you. Take steps now. Outsource some of the work to guests. Tell everyone exactly what you expect them to bring this week. On Turkey Day, your first priority should be your attitude.
PRIVATE LIVES IN PUBLIC PLACES
Dear Short Answers:
Our upstairs neighbors are a couple in their 30s with two children under 4. They use the public hall as part of their space and continue family arguments at the top of their lungs or jolly-up their toddlers to keep them climbing the stairs. My husband and I hear every single word they say/sing/shout and it’s tiresome. When I raised the issue (not the fighting, just the noise in general) with the husband, he stonewalled me. What can I do? I want to strangle them all.
-- Frustrated Neighbor
Dear Frustrated:
Since they have not been responsive to low-key reminders that public space is public, then you have to decide if it is important enough to you to escalate it to the next step. If so, write a friendly, but firm, note stating your concerns. But don’t forget, noisy neighbors are often the price you pay to live in an apartment.
ORGAN RECITAL
Dear Short Answers:
My mom is quite old and has become quite a hypochondriac. She recites her so-called "symptoms" every day. I want to say "duh, you’re old!" Can you think of a more compassionate response?
-- I’m No Saint
Dear No Saint:
Maybe she is just trying to tell you what it’s like to be old. Most of us have trouble hearing that, but perhaps you could pre-empt the medical report by asking her how it feels to be her at this juncture. Maybe it will provoke a more philosophical response.
TOO MUCH INFORMATION
Dear Short Answers:
I love the way that my hair stylist cuts my hair, but how do I get her to shut up when she’s working? I feel like a captive in her chair for an hour while she rambles and rants and tells me personal things I don’t want to know. I don’t want to insult her but it’s non-stop blather and it drives me crazy.
-- Peggy
Dear Peggy:
Bring a book.
Send your questions anonymously on our website (www.shortanswers.net) or email them to thetranscript@shortanswers.net. Jeff Johnson has worked as a psychologist for New York State, New York City and the federal government as well as teaching at the graduate level. He is a Williams College alumnus and lives in Pownal, Vt. Paula Forman has worked as a professional "trend spotter" with high-profile clients such as Procter & Gamble. More recently, she taught sociology in the New York City university system. She lives and writes in Hudson, N.Y.
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