Diary: Well, I woke up a bit late today and had a sandwich for brunch. Had some business-related email, but dispatched it quickly so I could go meet a friend for tea. One of them mentioned a possible job opportunity, which was nice of her. Got a bit of work done at home before heading out to a friend’s birthday party, where I met a few new people and tried a strange drink. When I got home, my partner had sent me a weird email. Just another typical day, I guess.
Facebook Boast: I have the best significant other in the entire universe! Let me sleep in, and then made me an AMAZING roasted turkey sandwich with artisanal mayonnaise and cut the bread just the way I like it. Then it was off to the coffee shop to hang out with my bestie, who is totally going to set me up with a sweet gig because she is the bee’s knees. I LOVE YOU, BEST FRIEND! Came home to get some work done, and I’m doing some really great stuff here that I’m pretty proud of.
Tonight was the BIG PARTY which was totally awesome; there were a bunch of sexy strangers there, and we got drunk and played games all night long, and I even got to kiss a certain special someone (MESSAGE ME! LOLOL). When I finally got home after all that, my honey had left me this hilarious joke that was the perfect end to the evening. BEST WEEKEND EVER!
Instagram: Picture of sandwich. Picture of friend with teacup. Picture of right hand over work desk. Low-angle picture of party. Sepia Tone picture of weird note from significant other.
Reassuring Email To Parents: Hello there. Weekend was relatively uneventful. Had some work to take care of in the morning, but got it all done. Had an interesting job opportunity pop up this afternoon; was having tea with an old friend and she mentioned a possible consultancy position. I think it would be a good fit. Spent the evening networking; one never knows where the next opportunity will come from. My partner sends regards.
Twitter: *roasted turkey sandwich is delicious #thankshoney
*tea with @thatgirliknow at @localcoffeeshop
*still working even though it’s saturday #norestforthewicked
*off to the big birthday bash; save me a drink! @birthdayboy
*here at party central, with @birthdayboy, @guyijustmet, @girlijustmet
*check this wacky note from my other half #thankshoney
Facebook Complaint: OMG it’s like everything is going wrong today. Woke up late and had a crap sandwich while reading email from work with more bs I have to deal with. :( Barely had time to run out for tea and had to beg my friend for a job because I am so broke. Sort of embarrassed about that ... oh well. Had to come back home and grind away my one free day doing more work, just like every weekend.
Tonight was supposed to be fun because there was a party, but I didn’t even know half the people there. I drank some weird alcohol and ended up kissing someone I thought was cute, but I don’t think they liked me and they’ll probably never see this. Not that it matters, since I’m spending the weekend with you-know-who, who keeps leaving me weird notes instead of just talking to me like a normal person. I don’t think this relationship is working.
Conversation With Parents From Teenager: Did some stuff, I guess. Nothing really. Whatever.
Seth Brown is a humor writer, the author of "It Happened In Rhode Island," and inhabits multiple realities. His work appears weekly in the Transcript, and weakly on RisingPun.com.