Life is complicated. Short Answers isn't.
GO TO THE SOURCE
Dear Short Answers:
About two years ago, a good friend of mine stopped talking to me. I truly have no idea why. I still see him at parties and events (we both work in publishing) and we have a lot of friends in common. I have asked everyone and they all tell me that they can't talk about it. Which of course means that they know something. I feel wrongly accused but I don't even know what I am being accused of. How do I get to the bottom of this?
-- Troubled
Dear Troubled:
Tell your former friend that you miss him and you would like to remedy what has come between you. If he is unresponsive -- move on.
IS ANYBODY LISTENING?
Dear Short Answers:
Is it bad to talk about your work all the time? It is, after all, mostly the thing that I do.
-- Worker Bee
Dear WB:
Consider your audience. If it's a dialogue and others are participating -- carry on. But a monologue about anything gets tiresome.
RX FOR INDECISION
Dear Short Answers:
I think my girlfriend expects us to get engaged. I'm still not sure and the idea of a wedding makes my head hurt. I can stall a bit longer but it is getting uncomfortable.
-- The Guyfriend
Dear Guyfriend:
If you have issues with the relationship, then you need to discuss them with her. Engagements and weddings?
BRAVE NEW WORLD
Dear Short Answers:
Under what circumstances is it acceptable to elope?
-- Thinking About It
Dear Thinking:
It is quite acceptable if it is what you and your intended wish to do. If necessary, remind relatives and friends that it really is about the two of you.
IT'S NOT PERSONAL, IT'S BUSINESS
Dear Short Answers:
I am a long-time editor at a print publication. Last year, a new publisher came onboard and promised that if I cut back drastically, this would mean extra money for me. So I did -- a lot.
However, after this past year of "working harder," I'm making even less money now -- for a lot more work. And the new publisher likes to host fancy, schmancy parties for the advertisers that (admittedly) do pay my salary. These aren't cheap.
I've always been a "do as you're told" kind of guy and never complain, but I feel like I've been duped. Do I remain quiet and be thankful that I at least still have a job? Or do I bring up my bitter feelings?
-- Drowning in Red Ink
Dear Drowning:
Sharing bitters with the boss is rarely a path to greatness. And what you describe is fairly universal. Suck it up or find something else to do.
WHY WAIT?
Dear Short Answers:
How long can you wait to write a thank you note?
-- Always Late
Dear Late:
It is never too late to say "thank you" -- however, time is not on your side. People expect to be thanked promptly and warmly. When they are not thanked promptly, they become irritated. When they are irritated, they are less likely to be generous the next time. And we wouldn't blame them a bit.
NOT SEASONAL
Dear Short Answers:
My dog is getting fat. Maybe it's winter weight?
-- Ron
Dear Ron:
The answer is less food, more exercise. Just like for the rest of us.
Send your questions anonymously on our website (www.shortanswers.net) or email them to thetranscript@shortanswers.net. Jeff Johnson has worked as a psychologist for New York State, New York City and the federal government as well as teaching at the graduate level. He is a Williams College alumnus and lives in Pownal, Vt. Paula Forman has worked as a professional "trend spotter" with high-profile clients such as Procter & Gamble. More recently, she taught sociology in the New York City university system. She lives and writes in Hudson, N.Y.
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