I'm not complaining by any stretch of the imagination, but it has been as hot as the South Seas. How hot? It's been hot enough to turn people mean. Now that's hot. But I really don't mind it.
Drawbacks? Of course, but my attitude is that I don't mind the heat because January will soon be approaching -- and I can't begin to tell you how much I hate winter. So bring on the heat.
However, I live and work in good old Carrier air conditioning to the point that the Big Y supermarket could hang and store sides of beef in my living room. I don't like it too cold, but Dawn is hot-flash Harriet and she needs it as cool as a Miles Davis song. That's how it is at my house; it's comfortable to say the least. And it is cool and comfy at work, which makes me a happy slave to the man. I have no complaints there. Thank God, I no longer work outside or in those hot old factories that I used to.
The bad thing about this summer is that I keep getting notices from National Grid saying that my neighbors are using less electric power than I do. When compared to mine, the neighbor's power usage is so low that the graph looks like the mouth of a man from West Virginia. It has more ups and lows that, if human, the graph would need to seek professional help.
I don't care if my neighbors are walking around with candles and wearing sweat bands, a person's total power usage is a personal thang. My electric meter must be spinning as if it was a Tilt-a-Whirl from the fair these days, but I'm paying for it, so what's the point? You would think that National Grid would want you to use every dern appliance you have to increase its profits.
The other thing is, because of the cool, wet spring, we are covered with all kinds of bugs. Ticks and mosquitoes are the rule of the day and I hate both of them blood-sucking little beggars. They are as thick as fleas on a coy dog. And I'm tired of being bit. But it's because of my sweet blood, or it's the fact that I look great through the bugs compound eyes.
Throw in the heat with the bugs, and it makes it similar to the conditions in Panama when they were digging the canal. Oh great, I'm now doing malaria jokes from the early 1900s. It's hot and buggy like New Jersey, and with the size of the mosquitoes that I've seen around here, I feel like I'm on the Hackensack River fishing for tires.
The heat can get you feeling run down. You sweat coming out of the shower. The heat will drain the energy from you, making you feel listless, useless and just plain sticky. That may be from the humidity that we have been living through. The humidity makes you sweat as if you have an algebra test that morning.
Sleeping in this weather can be a nightmare in its own right. I also have AC in my bedroom, leaving it so frosty cold by morning that I wear a winter hat to bed every night to keep from catching a chill. I know I must look crazy, but that's the main reason I don't sleep in public. Again, it's so cold because the heat that radiates from my wife can power Brazil.
As I write, I'm awaiting the storms that the TV weather forecasts swear are approaching. A cold front will turn us back into humans, instead of that sweating mess covered in baby powder. Thank God for corn starch the past six days of this latest heat wave.
It's summer. Please don't wish it away. August is coming so fast and after that, it's over. So when it's hot, don't curse it. Try to enjoy it. Because it will soon be gone and that wind that shoots right through you will have engulfed us once again.
Johnnie Carrier is freelance writer who is curious about the duality of man who works to be cold in the summer and warm in the winter.