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For Cable Access Channel 15 News, I'm your host, Johnnie Carrier. Barack Obama's campaign looks to start the momentum machine back up again after having it stalled earlier this week when his controversial former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright made his first appearances in front of a salivating media. Wright reiterated that he believes that the U.S. government invented the AIDS virus to destroy people of color and that the U.S. government was behind the attacks on 9-11.
When asked to comment on the matter, candidate Hillary Clinton told a rally at North Carolina University, "This is why I am a devil worshipper and called by some the devil with the blue dress on: No preacher is going to sink me. I have enough problems keeping my husband gagged and leashed -- which he enjoys by the way."
Ted Kennedy, a fiery Obama supporter, told an Indiana League of Women Voters convention held in Muncie: "I don't see the problem. My priest has said a lot of crazy things about such
In other news, none of the candidates are talking about any of the issues that plague our country, including the feeling of apathy running rampant among the ranks of the common American worker/voter, who it seems, can no longer speak out against being pillaged at the gas pumps or the grocery store due to the feeling of extreme malaise that is usually associated with the aftereffects of a high colonic.
During a Cable Access séance, Channel 15's medium, Sister Rubella Vaccination, contacted 1960s Yippie and convicted Chicago 7 leader Abbie Hoffman from the great beyond, who said, "I'm disgusted that America isn't burning with outrage over the cost of a gallon of gas. Forget the election; your vote will not change how America is run and will not produce any significant transformation, no matter who gets in.
"America is run in the corporate board rooms, not the White House. If I were alive today, we would be in the streets disrupting life in a visible but peaceful protest against the rich oil barons who are reaping in ungodly profits off the sweat of the proletariat. But what do I know? I'm dead and full of regrets about getting thrown off the stage at Woodstock by Pete Townshend."
A full transcript of Abbie's comments can be read at CableAccessChannel15dotcom.
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In international news, the father of the mind-altering drug LSD died this week. Albert Hoffman was 102. Tragically, the noted scientist who invented the drug in 1938 to help ease psychiatric patients over the walls of denial they may have built up through years of self deception, was found dead in the courtyard after falling 12 floors. Dr. Hoffman leapt out of his window at the Frankhissler Nursing home in Geneva after yelling to an orderly that he had grown wings out of his back and he was just going to take a fly over to the women's dormitory at the other end of this world famous geriatric nursing facility.
The natives of the Aegean Sea island of Lesbos are seeking a name change for their beloved island, made famous by the poet Sappho. The court documents filed Tuesday in a Greek court claim that some islanders are distraught over being called lesbians when describing their place of origin, no matter what their sexual preference is. Dimitris Lambrou, an island resident, said, "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos. A name change of this proud island will restore our individuality and our autonomy."
In her announcement about forming a committee to investigate the process of changing the island's name, Lesbos President Eleanor Roosevelt Poppodouplas said the number one contender for the name change is "The Isle of Aphrodite."
And that's the news. Have a pleasant tomorrow. For Cable Access Channel 15 News, I'm your host Johnnie Carrier.
Johnnie Carrier is a freelance writer who thinks Cable Access Channel 15 would receive a shot of hipness by putting him on for a half-hour a week.
