Life is complicated. Short Answers isn’t.
WANDER-LUST
Dear Short Answers:
I’m hitting my quarter-life crisis (about to turn 26) and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I really want to move abroad for a year or two and "figure myself out," but I also have tremendous student loan debt and credit card bills to pay. What can I do so I can ensure that I’m not missing out on my last chance to be irresponsible and youthful before I hit my responsibility era in my 30s. Thanks!
-- Wannabe Wandering
Dear WW:
The instinct to move abroad to figure things out is as universal as it is impractical -- a romantic fantasy that most of us find difficult to execute. Chances are after the excitement of a new location and new friends wears off, you will be left with the same problem. But if you really want to do it, then do it in a responsible way: Defer your student loans (you won’t be the first) and figure out how to pay off your credit cards before you leave or you will create a gigantic obstacle for yourself that will hinder any new plan for your future.
RECYCLING
Dear Short Answers:
‘Tis the season I guess -- thinking about old girlfriends and half-planning a dirty weekend with someone I split up with more than a decade ago. What’s this about? Should I do it?
-- Bored and Lonely
Dear B&L:
Manage your expectations. Doing
THE LADY OR THE TIGER
Dear Short Answers:
I’ve been in a handful of relationships in my life, but rarely fall in love. Now I find myself crazy for someone who is in another relationship, but is actively pursuing me and leading me to believe she wants me. Here’s the catch: She won’t leave her beau for me.
We went on some dates and even hooked up a few times, but my conscience got the best of me and I stopped cold turkey. After two weeks of separation anxiety and her luring me back, I couldn’t resist.
I decided I’m not responsible for her beau and her actions. I’m confused, frustrated and trapped, but when I spend time with her, it’s worth the mess in my head. Now I have that can’t-sleep-think-of-her-all-the-time feeling, and it feels good, but the situation is messed up. I know I might get hurt, but somehow I can’t bring myself to care. Do I take the moral high road and torture myself, or should I ride it out and enjoy it for what it is?
-- Torn between Head and Heart
Dear Torn:
You’re right -- this situation is messed up. If she won’t leave her beau, then take the hint and take a hike. And BTW, if she cheats on him, she will cheat on you, too.
HAIRY SITUATION
Dear Short Answers:
If your mother comes back from the beauty parlor with absurd purple hair, do you tell her? Or just hope that the next time it’s not such an embarrassing disaster?
-- Judging
Dear Judge:
Leave her alone. She knows everything you know ... and more. She knows why she did it.
TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE
Dear Short Answers:
Can I stop being gay?
-- Troubled
Dear T:
Why do you want to? A much better bet is to get some counseling help with taking pleasure and pride in who you really are.
Send your questions anonymously on our website (www.shortanswers.net) or email them to thetranscript@shortanswers.net. Jeff Johnson has worked as a psychologist for New York State, New York City and the federal government as well as teaching at the graduate level. He is a Williams College alumnus and lives in Pownal, Vt. Paula Forman has worked as a professional "trend spotter" with high-profile clients such as Procter & Gamble. More recently, she taught sociology in the New York City university system. She lives and writes in Hudson, N.Y.
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