Life is complicated. Short Answers isn’t.
HAIR POLICE
Dear Short Answers:
A few months ago, a good friend got a really bad haircut. I didn’t say a word. Now she is going back to the same stylist and plans to ask for the same thing. Wouldn’t it be better if I told her how bad the haircut was so that she doesn’t do it again?
-- A Friend
Dear Friend:
If she didn’t ask for your opinion Š don’t.
GOOD FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBORS
Dear Short Answers:
I bought a duplex with a family member. I went over how I expected my privacy and work schedule to not be interfered with. It’s now a problem just two months into it, with unreasonable requests being made of my time and frequent arguments. How do I get this to stop?
-- Annoyed
Dear Annoyed:
Don’t get angry -- just be very clear. Tell your relative that they are running the risk of spoiling what you had hoped would be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Draw your boundaries and keep smiling.
BUSY BODIES
Dear Short Answers:
There are two people at work who are sleeping together -- absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt I know that this is true. The problem is that "she" is married and "he" has a gay husband. This is surely going to end badly. What can I do to help?
-- Very concerned
Dear VC:
You may be right,
RE-RUNS
Dear Short Answers:
A couple of years ago, I decided to end a 20-year friendship with someone who had moved to the West Coast.
She couldn’t find work and talked obsessively about money. When she did find jobs (for which she was clearly over-qualified), she always pissed people off and got fired.
I went out to visit many times, which involved long and complicated travel. At first it was fun, but then she began to make me feel guilty about money, endlessly criticize my work and life and even threaten suicide. When I got home, however, she was always sweet and caring on the phone. I got fed up with her neediness and stubborn refusal to change her life.
Lately, though, my situation has changed, as has my understanding of my friend’s situation. I feel guilty and want to apologize. But I worry that the same thing will happen -- after we stopped talking, she returned photos I had sent her, saying she didn’t need them any more. Clearly she is a difficult person but I hate that this is unresolved. Should I risk getting in touch?
-- Conflicted Ex-friend
Dear Ex-friend:
Let sleeping dogs lie.
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW
Dear Short Answers:
What do you do if you think a friend is shoplifting? All of a sudden, she has a new watch, some new jewelry, new clothes. She always complained in the past about not having enough money for things like this. Do I mention it to her and try to get her to stop?
-- Very Concerned
Dear VC:
There could be many explanations for your friend’s new acquisitions. Before you leap to conclusions, why don’t you ask her about the new stuff? Maybe she won the lottery, maybe she had a lucrative 4th quarter, or maybe Santa was particularly generous.
OH, PLEASE
Dear Short Answers:
What do I do if I am totally in love with someone at work who is married? How do I get over it?
-- Love Sick
Dear Sick:
This is a bad movie. The way to get over it is to stay out of it.
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