Sorry to my friends who are Second Amendment rights guys, but I am in favor of some sort of gun control.
For example, guns shouldn't be sold to people with Lee, Bob or Ray as a middle name. Names like Billy Ray, Earl Lee, and Jack Bob will automatically have their application for gun ownership denied.
Gun control would have to include intensive background checks to weed out those who shouldn't have a gun in their hands. Priests shouldn't be able to carry a weapon. Anytime I've seen a priest with a gun in the movies, he breaks some very important commandments.
There has to be an age limit when performing background checks. No person younger than 18 should be able to purchase a firearm in America. Have you ever seen the damage done by a six-year-old and the Master Card needed to purchase a gun?
That's right, no cash sales. All sales of guns should be completed with a credit card. This way, if they go nuts with a gun, we can also crush them financially. An ex-wife should be blocked from getting a gun in this country. They tend to harbor resentments for long periods of time and can snap like a menopausal badger.
I'm not a gun guy as you can see. I've fired a gun only once in my life and found it as scary as coming home from a night of hanging out with the boys (wink-wink). I fish and find it easier to catch the fish than to shoot them to get them into the boat. But around my house, I'm lucky to get a butter knife, let alone a 9 mm handgun.
We have to find a way to keep the extreme weapons off the streets and out of the hands of the crazed.
Wearing your mother's housecoat while working on a hit list? No gun. Been accused of harming small animals (except mice and snakes)? No gun. Once referred by campus police to seek ‘professional help?' No gun. And finally, walking around in a long, heavy, black coat in the summertime means ... No gun!
I'm of the opinion that you don't need a 20-shot magazine for the rifle some people use for deer hunting. If you don't hit him with the first round, the deer takes off and you won't see him again, thus giving you time to reload.
If you want to be a real hunter, hunt with a single-shot musket. You know the kind of gun that James Fenimore Cooper made famous in his Leatherstocking Tales? Hunt as if you were Hawkeye and then we'll talk. Do you want a multi-shot magazine for your rifle absolutely free? Then join the dern Army.
The National Rifle Association wants you to be a good guy with a gun. Which, I'm sorry to say, sounds like a bad Charles Bronson movie. The last thing we need is to bring back the wearing of guns strapped to our hips. The NRA has to get in touch with the times we live in. The rest of us have gotten over the fact that Charlton Heston died. Why can't they?
Some -- nutty as a squirrel's cheek -- believe that if we have gun control legislation, all guns will be outlawed. They claim the government will have total control over us. As if they don't now.
Be cool: No one is going to take your hunting and sport rifles away as long as you can show that you can use the weapon safely. If you don't shoot off your own toe like I would, you can get a gun permit.
We have to do something to stop the madness that is now the reality of living here in the good ol' U.S. of A. The nightly news is proof that anything can happen anywhere. And it is up to us to do something to stop the madness that is now the norm, but what?
I am pro-hunting and believe that we have the right to protect our homes. But at what cost comes this freedom?
Johnnie Carrier is a freelance writer who protects his home with a hardly-ever-used two iron. God can't even hit a two iron.