Tuesday February 26, 2013

In case you haven t noticed when you see me on the street, I m now bookless.
That s not a new way to describe my character or moral fiber; it s how I m traveling these days. I bought a Kindle book reader, and I love it. I m so lazy that even holding a book has become a chore.

I feel like I have gone high-tech and joined the modern age of man, as if I discovered fire. At first, I was afraid, thinking it would be too complicated. All the downloading and button pushing worried me. But then I thought, I have downloaded music off of Amazon, so how hard could it be? Famous last words of the tech deprived?

Actually no: It s been really easy to load and operate. It s light and there are no pages flopping over while you re trying to read in bed. I know that people have been reading books for thousands of years, but trust me, the Kindle is the lazy man s lobster of books.

Of course Dawn has to pipe in with her books are better comment. I had to listen to her telling me that my new e-reader doesn t smell like a new book. This is true, but I stopped smelling books when I stopped eating grammar school paste. I won t miss the smell of books, since most of my books are on loan from my local library. Who wants to smell a library book? It would be like smelling rented bowling shoes.

I can still get my free music from the library, allowing me to

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continue to bother the staff over there. And I ll also get my books for the Kindle from them as well. They have a complete line of e-books and audio books online at the library website. You can download them from the comfort of your own home -- which translates to in my underwear. And that s the one thing you can t do in a library: You have to wear pants. I learned that one at an early age.

And even a jester like me can figure out the downloading of books. Click a button or two, punch in a number grouping and in less than a second, your book is there. You do, however, have to do the one thing I hate doing: Follow directions. But at least you don t have to ask for them.

I bought a nice leather case for my new toy. It s a tawny brown cover that has an Irish-cross-looking thang on it. And I look particularly handsome, sharp, and chic with it while waiting for the doctor to see me. And that s the most important thing in life, isn t it? To look cool?

I like to read books about the Brooklyn Dodgers and the occasional novel, but mostly I like to read the books I should have read in high school, and I can get it all online -- some for free and others at the Amazon website. Books like The Crucible, The Sun Also Rises, and of course The Glass Menagerie are some of the titles that I m talking about, sans The Scarlet Letter because there is no way I can get through that one and you can t make me.

The comfort of the thing is what has got me sold. I like to read in bed or plopped down on the couch, and I can do so with hands free. I turn pages with the simple push of the button. I don t have to lick a finger to do so.

I didn t get the new Kindle that could go and light a campfire for you. I bought the cheapest one I could get, and I m perfectly content with that fact. I let the cooler kids get the Fire. I just want to read. And that s rare for me, because sometimes I fall asleep just thinking about reading.

And that s the kicker, sports fans: It will help me read more. It s taken away all those bothersome quirks of reading like the old-fashioned days. Remember, I m not saying we should burn our books, I m saying that this book reading machine is far out. Look out, smart phone, here I come.

Johnnie Carrier is a freelance writer who promises to the soul to get through The Last of the Mohicans without the movie s help.