I can't take it any longer. I've worked hard all winter long, trying to keep myself from falling into the slop I call the wintertime blues. And I would have made it if that dern groundhog kept its promise that spring was just around the corner. But it's not around the corner. In fact, I think I'm on the wrong block.
Sure, the days are growing longer and that thought kept me from personal harm last month. Turning the clocks ahead I thought would do some good. But all it really did was screw up my sleep pattern. Those are all mind games that we play with ourselves as we are heading into spring. Well, sports fans, it's spring and all I see is winter hanging on. Hanging on? It has us in a death grip.
The snowpack won't melt until April the way the weather map looks. Mud season will be the month where spring showers bring May potholes. But I'm telling you I need warmth of the sun to keep me from chilling myself off the face of the earth. We need a sacrifice.
Maybe it's because I'm in the middle of watching the Bible series on the History Channel. Yes, it's the series that has Satan looking like the president. It's OK because Pharaoh Ramesses II looks like John Boehner. Because of that series, I think we should sacrifice a lamb, a goat or any other scary barnyard looking animal. Hopefully it will appear as a signal to God that we are ready for tulip season down here.
Look, the good weather will help the area's economy out as well. Maybe we can get a full-time crew working on the Hadley overpass in North Adams. It seems as if the bridge to everywhere is nowhere near being completed.
Generations have passed while waiting for this bridge to be fully repaired. And they are talking that this mess won't be fixed until the end of the year. And of course this means months before we can have all the political powers smiling and cutting the ribbon as if the bridge was rebuilt in the time it took Walmart to put up its supercenter.
You know it's been a long winter and an ever longer spring when the big activity planned for May is to visit the new Walmart as if we were rubes going to Hoosick Falls for copper tubing. Picture it: A balmy evening with no jacket, no hat to keep my ears warm and no March wind cutting right through me. Yes, this arctic March wind will be just a bitter memory the night I first visit our new super Walmart. Oh, God, I need a life.
And as I stare out my office window, I'm shaken from my Walmart dream by the sight of a squall that's starting to stick to the roadways. Looking up the seven day forecast, I see the high for next seven days will be in the low 40s and that doesn't impress me anymore. 60 degrees will impress me. 75 degrees would blow my windbreaker off.
I long for the days when I can complain about the heat and humidity. I want real baseball and the warmth of the first pitch. Yes, I yearn for the dog days of summer. I've seen years where we go from winter to summer without ever having spring and this could be the year for that. I want -- no I need -- for the sun to shine long and hard. I don't care what season it is.
But if the truth be known, I would settle for a nice day at 55 degrees. Sunlight is often taken for granted. But this stretch of cloudy days we are on makes us unable to process emotions. Like self-control at the dinner table. It seems that throughout March I have eaten more and more junk food than I have all year. I loathe you winter. I hate your ability to strive during the spring time of our discontent.
Please, make a little lamb sacrifice, say a Novena or meditate that spring shows up before we all lose our minds.
Johnnie Carrier is a freelance writer who would trade his almighty soul for the sight of one robin.